Archive for the 'Film and Media Reviews' Category

I Amaze Myself - Are you kidding me?

Published by bushman on August 30, 2008 in Film and Media Reviews and Uncategorized. 0 Comments

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What kind of self centered person writes a book and titles it “I amaze myself?” Matthew McConaughey’s mom, that’s who. Why should I care what this woman has to say, or that she amazes herself? Can she amaze ME? I don’t think so. I wouldn’t care if Matthew McConaughey wrote a book. Now I have to hear about his mom’s book?

I think this tops Keyshawn Johnson’s autobiography, “Just Give Me the Damn Ball!” as the dumbest title ever. I’m really going to have to dig deep to come up with a more narcissistic and self centered title for my book. Something like, “Your living god” comes to mind.

An even scarier question, who would read this book? At first I thought Matthew would have to buy all his mom’s books, but apparently not. This post’s picture shows a line of disturbed people lining up to get their signed copy of Matthew McConaughey’s mom’s book.

Iron Man

Published by bushman on May 13, 2008 in Film and Media Reviews. 0 Comments

Iron Man

5/5

OK, Iron man was actually that good. Faran Tahir is still struggling to play a character who is not a terrorist, but now I’m just nit picking. The trailers had me very scared. I thought I could tell where the plot was going, as the freedom hating men of middle eastern descent would make excellent cannon fodder for Iron Man’s required kill count. That proved not to be the case. I wouldn’t exactly call it a plot twist. More of a cynical look at the world.

Gwenyth Paltrow even looked halfway decent in this movie. There was a noticeable bump in her back between her lower back and the back of her thighs. You know, where her butt is supposed to be. Either someone got her a stair master for her birthday, or she’s stuffing her shorts.

In the same way that Schwarzenegger is good at playing stiff robotic characters with no human emotions, Robert Downey Junior excels at playing Tony Stark, a millionaire playboy banging hot women from private plane flight attendants, to reporters, to admin assistants. Lets just say he didn’t have to do too much research on this one. They respectfully cut the scene of him doing lines of coke from the table. Or at least I think that was a scene.

In the movie, Terrence Howard plays Jim Rhodes, a man in uniform who earns a pittance from the U.S government. Rhodes, the military serviceman, is the lackey and personal bitch of Tony Stark, a powerful military contractor. The private contractor says jump, and the serviceman says, “how high, and when can I come down.” In this way, the movie deviates completely from reality. It would be absurd for a private contractor like, say. KBR or Blackwater, to actually be in control of a real war zone, like, say, “Iraq.” and tell a real military outfit, like oh, I don’t know, the bad voodoo platoon, what to do.

Terrence Howard is one of those rare actors who actually gets worse the more experience he gets. I’m not sure if he’s picking up bad habits from lessor actors he meets, or has just stopped trying, but he sucked in this movie.

This movie is a big score for Stan Lee and Marvel. Marvel is betting the farm that the next couple of movies will be blockbusters.

Breaking Bad - Episode 1

Published by bushman on April 7, 2008 in Film and Media Reviews. 0 Comments

Breaking Bad

5/5

I finally got around to watching episode 1 of Breaking Bad, and I have to say I was impressed. Bryan Cranston plays Walter White, a chemistry teacher turned meth cooker. He does an excellent job of making this fantastical role seem plausible.

This show is yet another example of how good programming tends to happen in places other than HBO at the moment. The pacing of this episode was perfect, especially when we consider the huge checklist of things that the show had to accomplish. They introduced the characters, showed his previous life, and the events that caused him to change, all without feeling rushed, or insulting the audience’s intelligence.

So far this show gets a 5/5.

Elizabeth Berkeley Hosts…. What???!?

Published by bushman on April 6, 2008 in Film and Media Reviews. 0 Comments
You need the Flash Player to view this video.

Watch the above video without cringing.

So I’m watching Top Chef Chicago, and I see a commercial for some second rate dancing reality show. I forget the name, let me Google… Oh yeah, “Project Dance-Off.” How is Elizabeth Berkely hosting anything? Don’t people remember Showgirls? Didn’t we as a society decide that she is not fit to be on T.V. anymore?

Elizabeth Berkeley has to be America’s worst dancer. Showgirls was a B-movie where she walked around dancing naked, and didn’t look interesting doing that. As an actor and TV personality, she peaked in “Saved By The Bell.” She can’t act, she can’t dance. Either her new agent is connected to the mob, or the producers of Project Dance-Off want the show to fail miserably, so their other show “Project Runway” will look better by comparison.

Chloe Sevigny came back from the Brown Bunny fiasco, but she can actually act. Chloe kicked all kinds of Mormon ass in Big Love. Elizabeth on the other hand has no talent. She’s kinda hot, but she would do better in one of those non-speaking, non-acting, non-hosting roles. The above video is a little preview of Elizabeth Berkeley’s on-screen charm. This is the person A&E chose to host their new show.

HBO’s John Adams - Kinda Like History Class, but Much More Boring

Published by bushman on March 25, 2008 in Film and Media Reviews. 0 Comments

John Adams

This is based on American history, so if you don’t like it you just don’t like history, or you don’t like America!

Just because it’s based on history, doesn’t mean it’s interesting. How can you take something as boring as John Adams’ life story and actually make it more boring by adding millions of dollars of production and special effects? That’s like making a party more boring by adding hookers, booze, and monkeys on tricycles.

Who was responsible for this crap mini-series? Why do they still have jobs?

You know you suck at producing when kids would rather read a book instead of watch your movie/film/series

We’re not talking Harry Potter here. This is John frickin Adams! He woke up, prayed, wrote some docs, went to some congressional meetings, blah blah. The end result was pretty cool, but watching it happen is like flipping back and forth between C-SPAN and the Worship channel.

Honestly do yourself a favor and just read the book. Matter ‘o fact, let me break it down for you: Dude was a Prez, his seed was too. The end.

This mini-series has to be part of some alien conspiracy to make people stop studying American history.

If I play a character from another century, I must be a Great actor.

Wrong again. Paul Giamatti is horrible in this. I guess they cast him because he has that 1700s physique. The damn trailer for Master and Commander had more acting, and was more interesting than this whole series. We’re not talking about the cool full-screen trailer either. Even the low-bandwith, dial-up version beats John Adams.

The Founding Fathers were all wonderful people who loved and respected the poor, women, blacks and most of all native Americans.

They all wanted to do the right thing but these pesky things called “Southerners” and “The Times They Lived In” wouldn’t let them.

I won’t complain too much about the fantasy portrayal of our founding fathers as all wonderful noble people. They were normal human beings, why do we have to pretend that they were all saints? Most of them were of average morality at best, and some of them were straight up evil.

HBO is Done

Honestly HBO should just give up now. So I see how their big shake-up is going. They get rid of Carolyn Strauss, the cable TV exec with quite possibly the best track record in history. Most current cable executive ‘geniuses’ are just people who watch other countries TV shows and then bring them over to the U.S., in a little process we like to call milk-washing. Ugly Betty? Betty la Flaca (MX). The Office? The Office (UK). Survivor? Expedition:Crusoe (Sweden). No kidding.
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Carolyn Strauss was different. This chick is personally responsible for at least half of the times I’ve said, “Oh Shit.” in my life. She had the balls and the intelligence to know the difference between stepping over the line for a reason, and just stepping over the line. This is what you call original programming: Oz, The Sopranos, The Wire, Rome, Sex and the City, Big Love. You may not like all of these shows, but who else has a track record like that? No rip-offs, no copies. Just realness. So they shake stuff up by firing her? Good one.

Seriously, what is HBO going to do now? No one watches boxing anymore. I don’t want to pay $30 just to watch De la Hoya’s Big Bear roommates fight each other. No one needs HBO for movies. Netflix has that covered, as does on-demand, itunes and a million other options. In Treatment? Should’ve stayed as a treatment. Who Greenlit that dog?

You heard it here first. HBO is over.

OldBoy

Published by bushman on February 14, 2008 in Film and Media Reviews. 0 Comments

OldBoy

5/5

Even though I’m no worst than a beast,
don’t I have the right to live?

Oldboy is in my opinion, one of the best made movies of all time. This movie is so mind-blowing that Chanwook Park is hereby forgiven for any garbage movies he may make in the future. Chanwook Park is the reason I started watching Korean film in the first place. While some films have great actors, others great direction, others compelling screen adaptations or subject matter, this movie scores top marks in all categories. Even the music is great.

Oldboy’s cinematography is perfect. The lighting and framing paint Chanwook’s very bleak picture of reality. The acting is great. All the main leads play their part perfectly. In particular, the dynamics between the two main characters, Oh Dae-su and Lee Woo-jin, are legendary. So much is said with just the expressions on the actors faces. The only downside to this movie is that I didn’t make it.

The pacing of the movie is perfect. Chanwook transitions smoothly between shocking your eyes with visuals, and shocking your brain with story, before bringing the movie to its ultimate climax.

Some people blame the Virginia Tech shootings on Oldboy, because the nut job with all the guns liked this movie, and happened to be Asian. These blame-gamers are just more of the “marilyn-manson-made-my-kid-a-psycho” crowd. Ignore them. The movie does deal with some adult subject matter, and by adult I mean weird sex. Watching people die on camera is apparently OK for kids in this country.

Oldboy has memorable quotes, such as “Oh Dae-su talks too much,” and the quote at the top of the article. Engrish aside, the quote is really asking, “Even though I’m no better than a beast, don’t I too have a right to live?” It also makes great use of a hammer in a sequence that can best be described as a side-scroller fight scene.

Fortunately, this movie is so good that it may just escape the milkwash effect. The subject matter means that it would be hard to milkwash this movie without having to rewrite substantial parts of it. We all know that Hollywood is afraid of writing anything too new, so they will probably be passing on this one.

If you haven’t seen this movie, Netflix it today.

Cloverfield…Damn it!

Published by leftenant on January 19, 2008 in Film and Media Reviews. 0 Comments

Cloverfield

4/5

I’ll be honest with you. I really, really, really, really wanted to hate this movie. It’s full of the kind of midtown yuppie, fake multi-culti, spoiled-ass, purse clutching, shallow, Banana Republican, limo liberal, rent-raising, subtle racist, whinny, useless eater, Dawson’s Creek type scum that gentrified/neutered some of the best parts of NYC and have been haunting me since my private school days in NYC.

The prospect of sitting through two hours of what I assumed (from the voices in the trailer) was just security tape from a SOHO Starbucks had me a bit…nervous to say the least, so prior to entering the theatre, I hit the corner and lit up a lil “cloverfield” of my own to get my head right. Stopped at the Krispy Kreme and stuffed a dozen vanilla cream filled donuts in my bag then found myself a good seat and proceeded to be blown away by the ingenious use of camera work and amazing sound effects. Seriously.

I don’t exactly want to give any thing up regarding the film or its premise so all I’ll do for now is reiterate: The sound effects are insane, and the manic, dizzying hand cam work is brilliant. The character interactions are natural (if you know whinny ass brats from Manhattan you’ll know what I mean) and actually had quite a few laughs packed in. Oh yeah, and Hud is the man.

The film requires you to submit to one basic suspension of disbelief after which everything is pretty tight and realistic (following acceptance of that one suspended disbelief). The visuals were tight, the action frantic, good laughs in the right places.

So I will have to ashamedly recommend the film. It is worth seeing and it won’t have you feeling like you just watched 30 days of Night (i.e. like you wasted ur money and been eye-sodomized by a great giant phallus of fucking film wackness). I actually saw the flic a second time (sober this time) and it was just as good the second time around.

I will discuss more of the film in a week or two after its been out for a while and give you all a chance to see it. Hit me up in the comments section if you have and want to argue the specifics.

P.S. The character Myspace pages were a nicely subtle advertising touch.

The Wire Season 5

Published by bushman on January 7, 2008 in Film and Media Reviews. 0 Comments

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Episode 51: More with Less 4/5

The Wire Season 5 finally premiered on HBO last night. I must admit, I was skeptical about this season after watching the previews on HBO. Examining the role that media plays in our society never gets old for me, but as you should know by now, I don’t really care much for the ‘plight’ of starving journalists. The prospect of an entire season revolving around the Baltimore Sun seems boring as hell. The news industry in this country is rotten from the top down, including journalists, and has been for as long as anyone can remember. The Golden Age of journalism that so many downsized editors and writers hearken back to… never happened. News in this country is now, and always has been, for sale. If your newspaper is getting it’s ass kicked by a free blog, then you’re not providing nearly as high quality a product as you think you are.

But hey, I was skeptical before each season of The Wire, and I have not been disappointed yet, so here goes another season. I watched the premiere because I trust Joe Chappelle (Director), Ed Burns (Producer), David Simon (Writer) to tell a good, important story, and tell it well. I also trust them not to patronize the black and brown members of the audience.

The story so Far:

The first season of the Wire started slow, as the actors and director found themselves. This slow rolling boulder was mind blowing by the finale.

The Wire Season 2 sounded boring on paper (no Stringer, no Avon, just a bunch of dock workers lamenting the loss of blue collar jobs), but Season 2 was better than Season 1 in my opinion. It had better acting, a more complex story line, and more of our society painted into the picture. And the story was about much more than a few lost dock jobs. It dealt with the loss of our entire middle class, and our culture’s tacit complicity in crime.

The Wire Season 3 could have degenerated into the notorious hollywood third sequel shit hole (Shrek, Spiderman, Godfather, you know the list). I know the Wire is a TV series, and not a movie, but really, it’s more like a 12 or 15 hour miniseries than a TV show.

Season 4 of the Wire sounded scary as well. An investigation into our schools? Lemme guess, buncha black and brown kids, messing up as usual, but wait! Here comes the messiah in the form of some non-black-or-brown teacher, a Michelle Pfieffer, to save them all with the power of dance! Or writing! Or singing! Or debate! or anything other than dealing with the social issues that they have to live with every day! Screw social change! An after school activity will handle that pesky ‘urban despair’ problem. I thought I’d heard this story before, but I was very, very wrong. Season 4 of the Wire was so close and on point that it was hard to watch at times. All due respect to Dakota Fanning, but Season 4 of the Wire was the best child and youth acting this century. Period.

So that brings us to Season 5.

I’m going to watch the Season through. I know David Simon knows what he’s doing. Snoop, Marlow and Chris are back, as well as some new faces from the “Homicide, Life on the Streets” series.

* People who’ve seen Half-Nelson think it’s great, or think it’s OK. What I’ve found is that most of the people who think Half Nelson was amazing, are the same people who haven’t seen the Wire. Ryan Gosling’s character was just Presbo, with a little Bubbles mixed in. Everything, from the camera angles, to the lighting, to the transitions, is reminiscent of the Wire.

Foxy Brown

Published by leftenant on December 18, 2007 in Film and Media Reviews. 0 Comments

starstarstar 2.5/5
Pam Grier is a dime. Silly type plot line and all, but the action is laughably good. Lots of 70s era special effects :) and nudity for no discernible reason (the 70’s). Pam Grier plays a P.I. who wrecks shop after her boyfriend is killed by this drug sindicate. Mad bullets, explosions, beatings and a rape :( later she handles all of those snaky bastards. Quote of the film: “Death is too good for you. I want you to suffer BITCH!” - You know I’m using that one the next time I torture someone by sending them their loved ones’ genitals in a duffle bag (as Ms. Grier did in the film).

Suspect Zero

Published by leftenant on December 18, 2007 in Film and Media Reviews. 0 Comments

Suspect Zero

2.5/5

The film’s got Gandhi killing fools with a knife. It’s supposed to be a psychological thriller but ends up being a copy of a copy of a copy of an upside down degraded copy of a copy of Seven and Silence of the Lamb. While the idea of a suspect zero is intriguing (and given the fact that a white person has to be sodomizing an unborn fetus while rubbing his ass with the image of the virgin mary screaming verses of the Koran before being “questioned” let alone stopped by the police in this country) quite possible. The film just fizzes out, although Ben Kingsley is quite good in this.

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